A Creative Marketing Copywriter’s Resignation Notice

Everyone has encountered corporate marketing jargon and although we can try to avoid it, it’s often forced upon us. Just this morning, we were trying to keep the word “solution” out of the name of a new product, yet the legal department still insisted upon it.

Later this afternoon, I tendered my resignation (not connected with the jargon issue above),  in similar fashion. After all, why not put your best into one of the last pieces of writing that will be in your file? (Sensitive information omitted).

Dear (Manager),

I am corresponding simply to properly proclaim my decision to pursue innovative sources of alternative employment solutions and resign from (Company) effective (on Date).

I have emphatically enjoyed diligently and dynamically leveraging corporate copy to innovate marketing messages and contemplate goal-oriented opportunities for your best-of-breed, cross functional group. I acknowledge that I have learned an abundance of functional and actionable professional skills and grown uniquely and strategically within my tenure in your employ.

Please understand that I will attempt to ensure all incomplete strategic projects are satisfactorily completed for a simple, frictionless transition.

Thank you for your understanding of my decision to depart from the professional strategic marketing working group and enterprise, and the whole of your enthusiastic support throughout the entirety of my employment process and tenure. I wish you all the best for your continued professional success personally, within the strategic business group and as an enterprise.

Please feel free to leverage my business and professional knowledge by contacting me with any mission-critical questions about the projects I have been working on.

Respectfully,

Eric T. Tung

And there you have it. The most corporate-speak jargon-filled resignation letter ever. What have you seen or done? Let me know in the comments!

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3 comments

    1. Most certainly. My first was based on this, but rejected:

      Dear

      This is to inform you that [ ]your socks don’t match [ ]vitamin C doesn’t cure baldness [ ]a new opportunity has presented itself [ ]I’ve had it up to here [ ]enough is enough [ ]I’m tired of striving for mediocrity [ ]I’ve hit bottom [ ]it’s time for a change

      and I am therefore [ ]tendering my resignation from your company [ ]leaving society [ ]taking tango lessons [ ]getting plastered [ ]learning Swahili [ ]having hallucinations [ ]chugging green tea [ ]waxing poetic.

      I wish to advise you that [ ]there’s a funny smell in the lunch room [ ]I can’t water-ski [ ]I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead [ ]I’ve become dain bramaged [ ]libraries make me want to shout [ ](enter a date) will be my last day of employment.

      I would like to thank you for [ ]the experience of having worked for (name the company) [ ]a very strange time [ ]having me committed [ ]buying me the bunny slippers [ ]explaining the meaning of life [ ]not wearing Bermuda shorts.

      Yours truly,

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